Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just want nice things and good sex
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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