My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
