Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I supernannyed him into submission
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