When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
