you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
