Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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