JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
