Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
