his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
