I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
