I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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