You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
