trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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