For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
