Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
