Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
