I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my sisters under your porch take her home
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize