I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
