Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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