Cold hands, warm shart.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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