her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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