mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
