I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
