the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
