it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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