so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
