my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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