No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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