Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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