I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
