life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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