i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize