my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
