Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
