it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
