how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
