You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
