I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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