Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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