Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
