I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
