Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
