wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Maybe he injected his testicle?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
