a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
