Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
