Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
