I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
