Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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