WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize