I'm really into asian looking animals
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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