I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
