Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize