He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
