Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
