Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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