I wish I could teleport
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
