Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I FOUND THE LEGS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize