He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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