you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize