sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
