Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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