I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize