my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
