I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
