She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
