I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize