Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
