We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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