Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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