That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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