So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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