I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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