Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
