I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
