if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
