I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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