I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize