I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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