he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
