If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
