Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
